Motherhood My Way: 35+ Things I Refuse to Apologize For as a Mom
“Motherhood isn’t a performance. It’s a practice. And I’m done explaining it.”
Hey Mama,
For some reason, motherhood has a way of inviting unnecessary, unwarranted, and unsolicited commentary. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has advice. Everyone seems to know what you should do. Because if they were in your shoes, they know what they would do (insert eye roll).
And for a brief moment, I found myself trying to meet and silence that noise with explanations. With guilt. With apologies. With over-justifying choices—my choices—that were never up for debate in the first place.
However, in the spirit of leaving things behind, I’ve decided that I’m done.
I’m not apologizing for how I’m raising my child, for the boundaries I set, or for the way that I choose softness, grace, and routine over optics. I’m not apologizing for trusting my instincts. No matter if they go against expectations or what has previously been done.
I’ve learned the hard way that the over-explanification of things doesn’t earn you understanding. It teaches people to believe that your choices are negotiable. And, well, I’m no longer negotiating.
As a mother who knows her child more than anyone else, I have made a list of all the things I refuse to apologize for. This is motherhood my way. From my parenting style to choices, values, energy, and emotional honesty. Because raising my daughter doesn’t require, nor welcome a consensus. It requires trust, instinct, care, and intention.
How I choose to raise my child, even if it doesn’t look like something you would do or have done.
Trusting my instincts, even when they contradict advice.
Loving my child in ways that feel right for me.
Choosing how and when to discipline.
Being protective, even if others think it’s overkill.
Raising my daughter to be soft instead of hard like society expects little Black girls to be.
Standing up for my child. Always.
Being late.
Not wanting to go out after a certain time. My bedtime is sacred.
Wanting to be home by my daughter’s bedtime. Her routine matters.
Not wanting to be in certain spaces. Energy is everything.
Saying no to environments or people that aren’t right for us.
Canceling plans.
Teaching my child autonomy early.
Choosing convenience over perfection.
Enforcing boundaries around my child.
Correcting you when you talk about my child.
Reminding people of the proper spelling and pronunciation of my child’s name.
Expressing my emotions. All of them.
Missing my daughter when she’s away. Even if she’s only in the next room.
Not always having my shit together. I’m a work in progress.
Feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or overworked.
Not always enjoying motherhood.
Letting my child say no, even to adults.
Allowing joy to be loud in our home.
Choosing books, shows, and music intentionally. What she consumes matters.
Not responding immediately.
Leaving events when my child is done. Even if it’s before everyone else.
Letting my child see me cry or feel frustrated.
Watching my daughter on the monitor until she falls asleep. And sometimes checking back again.
Celebrating small wins. Because baby steps are still steps.
Choosing laughter over stress whenever possible.
Loving motherhood and also missing my pre-mom life. Both can coexist.
Being selective about who is around my child.
Admitting when I’m all touched out.
Looking at photos and rewatching videos of my daughter when she’s asleep or away.
Becoming someone my daughter is proud to watch and call “mom.”
This list isn’t about being defensive or difficult. It’s about choosing presence and alignment over performance and approval. Because if it’s one thing motherhood has taught me, it’s that I don’t need anyone else’s opinion to be confident.
And if that makes me less than palatable, then so be it. My child doesn’t need a mother who is easy to digest. She needs one who is paying attention.
And I am.
With Love,
Racquel