Dear Sis, You’re More Than Enough

“You are enough just as you are. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” — Maya Angelou

Dear Sis,

I’m going to tug on your wig for a bit and talk about the word “enough.” See, we have a tendency to treat it like it’s some sort of finish line or last step before getting the prize. We treat “enough” like a destination, causing us to completely minimize our accomplishments and downplay our wins. 

Don’t believe me? Just look at the following and let me know if any of it resonates with you: 

Enough after the promotion.

Enough after losing the weight.

Enough after becoming a “better” mother.

Enough after getting the house.

Enough after getting married.

Enough after making more money.

Enough after finally becoming the woman we think we’re supposed to be.

But let me ask you this: What if “enough” isn’t necessarily something we become or something we have to strive for? What if you’re already there and you just refuse to accept it because you think there’s something greater waiting for you? What if you are good enough as you are, and anything extra is just that—extra? 

And when I say extra, I’m not talking about a requirement, or a prerequisite, or proof that you’ve finally made it. Just extra in the best way possible.

Because somewhere between society telling us who we should be, social media showing us who everyone else appears to be, and our own habit of comparing ourselves to who think we’re supposed to be, we have somehow lost the plot and convinced ourselves that the woman we are today is not worthy of the life, love, respect, or happiness we want. We pick ourselves apart in search of evidence that we think we are falling short. 

And you know what I’m talking about. We look around and see that someone else got the promotion. Someone else lost the weight. Someone else bought the house. Someone else got married. Someone else seems to have figured out motherhood. Someone else is traveling more, making more, looking better, and doing more. And before we know it, someone else’s life has become the measuring stick we use to determine if we are good enough on our own. 

And please, don’t get me started on social media. Those platforms are a gift and a curse, making it damn near impossible to escape. We are constantly being shown a person’s highlight reel, and even though we know better, we still wonder why our lives don’t look like that. Even though we know that image/video is intentionally curated, meticulously filtered, and heavily edited.

Yet, we still compare. We still scroll. We still measure. We still come away wondering what everyone else has that we don’t.

And then, we turn that comparison inward.

We start to become our own worst critics. We start looking at ourselves through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know their worth. We pick apart our bodies. We question our parenting. We criticize our careers. We look at our homes and our bank accounts and our relationships and decide that we should be further along by now. We turn every area of our lives into a report card, giving ourselves straight F’s. 

And I know this, because I am notorious for it. But I want leave you with this little nugget of wisdom that I often have to remind myself:

You don't have to earn the right to feel good about yourself. 

You don't have to have a series of accolades before you’re allowed to feel proud of the woman you are. You don't have to lose those extra ten pounds, make another five thousand dollars, get another title, buy another thing, accomplish another goal, or become another version of yourself before you can finally say, “I am enough.” Because you are enough now.

You are enough because your worth was never supposed to be determined by your accomplishments in the first place. And, yes, I know that concept of thinking is hard to wrap our heads around when we live in a world that is insistent on telling us otherwise. Especially when there is always something being sold to us as the thing that will finally make us feel better about ourselves, as if it’s some sort of prize. When in actuality, the real prize is finally accepting yourself as you are. 

Now hear me when I say, I’m not telling you that you can’t grow, change, or want beautiful things. Because, baby, we are ALL entitled to beautiful things. After all , it’s our birthright. 

But you can want them without being dissatisfied with who you are and/or where you are. You can absolutely want to lose weight without hating your body. You can want more money without believing you are unsuccessful. You can want a beautiful home without believing the home you have isn't good enough. You can want marriage without believing you are incomplete without it. You can want to be a better mother without deciding that you are a bad one. 

You can want more without believing you are less.

Because, baby girl, you have spent enough time wondering whether you measure up. You have spent enough time wondering if you’re doing something right. And you have spent enough time wondering whether you are valuable, worthy, and enough.

Because you are. You always have been. And you always will be.

With Love,

Racquel