Baby Girl, It’s Time to Trust Yourself

“Confidence I have. Trust, I’m still learning.”

Dear Sis,

Lately, I’ve been sitting with the fact that after all these years, after all these accomplishments, after all these accolades, I still lack one thing: trust. Not trust in someone else, but trust in myself.

People have been telling me to trust myself for as long as I can remember. But more recently, it’s become a recurring theme in many of my conversations. For example, my yoga instructors remind me that I need to trust myself when I stand up to practice teach in my classes (Yeah y’all, your girl is on her way towards becoming a yoga instructor. But more on that later.) My mentors tell me to trust myself when I start doubting my next move. My mom says to trust myself when I call with questions or for advice that I already know the answers to. And even friends—sometimes random people—will say it so casually, like it’s the simplest thing in the world: 

“Racquel, just trust yourself.”

But here’s the thing. I have all the confidence in the world. I walk into rooms like I own them. I unapologetically speak my truth. I speak things into existence as if they already belong to me. I’ve done the hard things. I’ve started over. I’ve failed. I’ve lost. And I’ve rebuilt from scratch. 

So, it’s not that I don’t believe in myself. It’s just that sometimes, I don’t trust myself enough to let it flow or to let it be easy. I second-guess what I already know. I ask for far too many opinions. I delay the decision, thinking maybe someone else knows better than me or that maybe it’s not the right time. 

But at my big age of 40, I’m learning that while confidence and trust might be sisters, they certainly are not twins. Confidence is how I show up in the world. Trust is how I follow through when no one’s watching. Confidence says, “Racquel, you got this.” Whereas trust whispers, “And no matter the outcome, you’re going to be okay”

And somewhere between the doing and the being, I’ve had to learn the subtle (well, in this case, the not so subtle) art of letting go in favor of choosing to believe that I am already equipped with everything I need.

Because Trust asks for surrender. And that surrender requires faith. Not just in the outcome, but in myself.

These days, I’ve been more intentional about not overthinking everything. That looks like listening to my intuition when it whispers instead of shouts. Following through on the promises I make not just to other people, but to myself. Letting go of the need for validation. Remembering to be proud of myself for trying, even if it didn’t go as planned. And looking back and seeing proof of everytime I got it right. 

The idea that trust is rooted in perfection is an ongoing unlearning. I’m realizing that the same way I build trust in myself is the same way that I build it with others. It’s by keeping my word, by showing up, and by extending myself grace when I fall short.

But, as with every other area of my life, I’m getting better. Yoga has helped (and I can’t wait to share that with you). So has motherhood, and writing, and this quiet season of learning to be led by passion instead of pressure. Every time I follow that tiny tug in my spirit, it strengthens that invisible thread between me and me. And whether it works out or not, I still survive. Or in the words of Pops from Friday, “I live to fight another day.”

Because trusting myself is more than making the right decisions, it’s about believing that even if I stumble, I’m still guided.

And the truth is, I’ve always known what to do. I’ve just had to remember to trust myself to actually do it.

So, am I confident, yes? Capable? You better believe it. And with that, learning to trust in the woman I am becoming. 

With Love, 

Racquel